She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
