if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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