just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so let's talk penis.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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