he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
