the condom got lost in my hair
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
