I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
