Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
