I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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