so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
