the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
