Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
