I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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