He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
smell my finger.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
