I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
where am i from again
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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