good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Couch. On fire.
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