okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
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And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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