Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize