he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
