oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You pole danced in your parka.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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