I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
