I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
