i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize