Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
