Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
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