Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
40s are totally the cure
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
