Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
