You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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