Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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