STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
