This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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