Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
