I like to think it a success when the cops are called
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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