And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
