Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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