i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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