I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
