I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
