he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
