I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
