Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
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Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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