the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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