my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
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Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
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We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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