You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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