I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
