He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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