is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
