Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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