I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
