did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Randomize
