is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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