the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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