It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
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My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
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Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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