He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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