I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
