Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
