Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
