Cold hands, warm shart.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
