i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
