I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
