Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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