uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
