Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
