True but thats because hes a fetus.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
