she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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