i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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