Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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