I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
